Posted by Nrgleeeeeeflump and WIGGGGNa (or Ted and Alice, as they prefer to be known).

Today, a mysterious object appeared in the garden upon the Stone Disc. We are all excited and wondering if it is of an extraterrestrial or of a transdimensional nature or possibly, if we are really lucky, both!

None of us have yet gone out to explore the object properly, nor have we tried to communicate with it yet, but we have high hopes that here at last we might find some intelligent beings on the Earth with which we can have meaningful conversations. Oh how I would love to discuss the principles of gravitational lensing and the implications of interstellar communications with someone that actually understood the vector calculus properly and isn’t Alice. (She says she would just like to clarify that this is because I don’t understand vector calculus and it is always her who actually has to do the maths - but I think it should be noted that I only let her do it to keep her happy).

Still, we will hopefully be mounting an expedition tomorrow, which should be loads of fun!

I will let you know how it all goes my next post!

Hope to have exciting things to tell you next week.

Ted

Posted by Nrgleeeeeeflump or just Ted if anybody even cares.

Well its been a week now and Alice still isn’t talking to me. And because I accidently kissed Bazz and forgot the picnic, he’s not talking to me either, and the other guys are all off either looking after wiggly woos or taking thorns out of kittens paws and those sorts of things. So the upshot of this is that I’ve had lots and lots of free time and as a result have nothing much to actually blog about. I have to say that for a community blog it seems a bit off that I am the only one who actually ever bothers to blog anything. I mean there are well over a hundred of us just here in Gloucestershire but does anyone else bother? No, it’s just me, boring old Ted who does it - well I’m fed up, so I’ve spent most of the week sunbathing on my nice red leaf.

There, that is all I’m blogging this week.

Ted

Amendment: Alice pointed out after this went live that I was the one who actually set the blog up and I’ve forgotten to tell anyone else how to blog and that’s why they haven’t been posting. Oh well at least she’s speaking to me again (she says she’s not but I think she is).

Posted by Nrgleeeeeeflump (or Ted if you prefer).

I am very intrigued by the rare and beautiful so when some of the guys came back last week saying that there were some very rare and exotic Pink Daisy trees over by the Rain Forest (the humans call this the Other Rock Garden or something, I’m not entirely sure. I think it might also be called the Flower Bed). I tried to get Alice to come with me but she says a) she’s “never coming exploring with me again, remember?” b) she’s not listening to any more of my bright ideas, especially where Daisy Trees are concerned, and c) she’s not talking to me because of last week’s post. I think that it was probably a mistake to point out at then that she was actually talking to me, telling me she wasn’t talking to me - I don’t think it went down very well.

Anyway, I decided that I would go anyway and my friend Bazz said he’d come along too - the only problem being that he was camera shy and so stayed behind the camera taking all the photos.

Now to get to the Rain Forest/Rock Garden you have to traverse the Great Gravel River (the humans call it the driveway and sometimes roaring monsters rush across it, so we are careful to keep the wiggly woos well away from it). It is hard work getting across it with boulders the size of strawberries, and it is so dusty you really work up a thirst. Once on the other side, we had to climb a ragged cliff (the humans call it a wall) and there they were: the Pink Daisy Trees of the Rock Garden. And oh my, were they beautiful! I momentarily forgot it was Bazz with me and not Alice and so kissed him soundly in celebration - he wasn’t very happy about this.

Still, I apologised and explained, though he said if I said he was a girl again, I would be in more trouble than I had been in, that morning with Alice. We settled down for a bit of a rest and a picnic; the only problem being that as Alice wasn’t there, there weren’t any picnic supplies, so we had to forage some catnip and a few drops of dew from the trees. We were really tired and thirsty by this point, so we decided to head back.

Another successful adventure.

Hope to see you all soon

Ted

Posted by Nrgleeeeeeflump and WIGGGGNa (or Ted and Alice, as they prefer to be known).

Alice has warned me that if I blog about this she won’t be talking to me, but it is just so hilarious that I can’t resist! I’m not entirely sure how she managed it but I heard a pathetic little voice calling for help and when I went out onto the great Plain in front of the house (the humans call it a Lawn), there was Alice hanging in the Clematis that the humans have growing up their wall. She was very near the top of the garage, as it happened, and was swaying precariously.

I ran off to get a rescue team at once, but by the time I got back, one of the Humans had spotted Alice and disentangled her and put her back on the ground. She reckons that she overheard the humans saying the gutter was blocked and so she had decided to climb up the flowers to try and unblock it, being a naturally helpful Wiggly Pet. Unfortunately, there is a reason we like to do things in teams, and this sort of incident is one of them. Of course Alice reckons it’s all my fault because she’d asked me to come and help, and after waiting five hours for me had got cheesed off, bored, and then cheesed off again, and so went and tried to do it herself.

Silly Alice!

Oh well.

I think she would agree that it was a satisfactory adventure that she had (she’s just said that it was not, and if this goes live, I’m going to be in more trouble than I could shake a stick at. I think it may have been a mistake to just point out that we’re too small to pick up sticks).

Hope to see you all again soon

Ted

Posted by Nrgleeeeeeflump and WIGGGGNa (or Ted and Alice, as they prefer to be known).

Us Wiggly Pets, being naturally helpful and caring creatures, were horrified when we heard on the news that the poor birds of the UK are starving due to the bird flu epidemic. Apparently, all the humans that used to feed them crumbs and nuts and white stuff in coconut shells have stopped doing so in fear of contracting the illness. We felt very bad for all those little birds, especially with all their bird wiggly woos to feed. I believe the humans call bird wiggly woos, chicks, for some reason.

So me and Alice and some of the guys decided we should feed the birds. We knew that the humans around here have several bird feeding platforms and devices, so we thought we’d put the food out in case the humans hadn’t. Well, we checked what our humans had been feeding the birds and were quite aghast! All they were giving the poor things were seeds! Can you imaging that, just seeds and a few nuts? Well we decided we’d make the birds a proper lunch. No wonder the poor things are starving.

With much effort and teamwork (Alice wants to just point out that I was “giving” the orders and know nothing about effort, I personally think that is singularly harsh -leadership has many responsibilities), we managed to extract a piece of cheese from the humans (Alice would like you all to know that I in fact stole it from the humans’ wiggly woo which then cried lots, but I reckon it would have only accidentally flung it over the side of its highchair anyway - Alice says that’s not the point). We also managed to get a scone.

The team, bless their hearts, got the food onto the feeding platform - I believe the humans call it a “bird table”. Anyway, we waited with anticipation for the birds to come and chow down, but we think they were being a bit shy. So we waited and waited and then thought that perhaps they didn’t know the food was there, so we clambered onto the bird table and called to them saying, “Grub’s up!” and, “It’s vittles time!” But before any of them could arrive, one of the humans’ cats leapt at us from the open window we’d climbed through. It knocked us clean off the feeding platform!

Still, the next day the food looked a little bit nibbled and the humans only moaned a bit when they had to clean the furring mounds off the bird table three weeks later.

I think it can definitely be said that this was another successful adventure.

Hope to see you all again soon

Ted

Posted by Nrgleeeeeeflump and WIGGGGNa (or Ted and Alice, as they prefer to be known).

Last week, me and Alice, being the exploring type of Wiggly Pets, decided to go for a walk on the Plain, which I believe the humans call the Lawn. Now the grass was getting quite long and in some places was as tall as, if not taller than us (Alice would like me to note that this isn’t really at all surprising as we are only a few centimetres tall). Now we had an aim in our wanderings, and that was to find the elusive Daisy Trees of the Cotswolds. We had heard that these were quite rare so were surprised to come across a little thicket almost straight away (Alice would like to point out that when I say thicket what I actually mean is two – yes two, daisy trees. Annoyingly she is also currently rolling her eyes at me. I’m not sure why).

Amazed, we sat in their shade (yes Alice I’m sure they can work out that by “shade” I am using artistic licence to enhance the verbal beauty of the post, now SHUT UP) and discussed those things which regularly plague the minds of Wiggly Pets, such as, “Where did I last leave the jar of spare irises?”, “Why is my earliest memory of the inside of an oven?” and, “What type of transient arc could I carve through ten dimensional space, eleven, if we add time?”

We consumed our lunch at this point and got a passing cat to take the photo. Lunch was nice; stuffed olive and cranberry jelly sandwiches and a flask of mint tea. Then to our joy we found some nice clover to make little picnic plates out of. We even rolled some of them up to make little cups out of so we could drink our tea in a civilised manner, but unfortunately the heat of the tea sort of cooked the clover and turned it mushy, resulting in poor Alice getting a bit singed (she would like to point out that she had to got to the hospital and have special dressings on and that is the last time she listens to any of my stupid ideas.)

Anyway obviously we had to call it a day at that point and go home (oh ok, go to the hospital) but I think in hindsight it was another great adventure!

Hope to see you all soon

Ted

Posted by Nrgleeeeeeflump and WIGGGGNa (or Ted and Alice, as they prefer to be known).

On Tuesday, me and Alice were wondering around the great plain with its magnificent daisy trees - I believe the humans refer to it as a “lawn”? Anyway, the humans seemed to have misplaced their wiggly woo (I think I mentioned the wiggly woo in another post. The humans call wiggly woos babies - yes I know, stupid name isn’t it?) It was frolicking happily in the shade of a big green and white umbrella. What seemed to bring it most joy was the denim hat it wore.

Then the silly creature, being obviously of juvenile years, pulled its hat off and began to chew it! Me and Alice thought this was really funny (Alice would just like it noted that she thought it was cute rather than funny and that I had just missed how much she was scowling at me). Then the baby flung the hat. It obviously hadn’t meant to do this and it appeared to be due to poor motor control; we think it was just sort of trying to wave it about a bit. From our observations, human offspring of this age appear to like flappy things.

Anyway, seeing as it looked quite upset with the fact the hat was out of its reach, and as it is not yet mobile, we decided to retrieve it. The hat was quite large. I wanted to take it off and make a tent out of it (or rather a marquee) but Alice wouldn’t let me. She started harping on about poor little things and taking candy from wiggly woos. Anyway, we dragged it (with much effort) back over to the baby.

This was when we discovered that it had more mobility than we had expected and it dove upon us with little podgy fists. We don’t think it was an intentional attack – just that it wanted to play or something!

But it waved me around until I felt quite sick and it knocked poor Alice right off her feet (Alice would like it noted that this is not in fact correct and can never be so, as we do not have feet - I think that ONCE AGAIN she is being pedantic, she says she’d like it noted that its not technically pedantry… sorry I lost the thread of what she was saying). The baby then let go of me, sending me soaring through the air - which, though scary, was sort of fun as well. The non-fun part was landing, as that was actually quiet painful. Alice helped me up and we ran for it!

Still, once again we succeeded in being friendly and helpful and managed to have a great adventure - I mean, I even managed to fly!

Hope to see you all again soon

Ted

Posted by Nrgleeeeeeflump and WIGGGGNa (or Ted and Alice, as they prefer to be known).

On Thursday we were wandering around in the humans’ house - the one where most of us live, we have a little colony upstairs, you see - when we noticed the humans’ wiggly woo. Humans apparently call them babies, which is a singularly silly name if you ask me. Us wiggly pets do things far more sensibly.

Anyway, the humans had been teaching it (you can never tell the genders of humans; they all look so alike, I find) to ask for things with its hands, a sort of sign language. It was asking for a banana but there were no humans in sight so we decided (that is, me and Alice) that we were going to get one for it from the fruit bowl - Wiggly Pets being naturally helpful creatures.

This did cause us a bit of a problem, as the bananas are just a bit bigger than us. Still, me and Alice managed to scale the table using some wool and a paper clip and then made the trek across the table to the bowl. We heaved and heaved at the thing and poor Alice sort of got squashed when the banana flopped on top of her (Alice would just like it noted that this was because it was her doing all the work and I’d got distracted, and it really really hurt thank you very much!).

Still, eventually we managed to break one off of the bunch and drag it to the baby human. This is where things got a bit interesting. We had to work out how to peel it, which was fun (Alice would again like it noted that she did all the engineering calculations whilst I stood there saying it can’t be done - I would like to point out that though this observation is accurate, it is unnecessary and cruel). Finally, we managed to peel it and we gave it to the baby, who then proceeded not to thank us, but seemed to mistake both me and Alice for some sort of variant on Banana.

SHUDDER

It was actually quite scary. It has about three teeth and they hurt! Its mouth also smelt of banana and milk - not a pleasant combination when it is replacing air. And baby drool is just horrendous!

It was fortunate that one of the humans came to our rescue; otherwise I fear we may well have become one with the cosmos!

Still, the baby was happy with its banana and it only took us a week to lose the reek of milk and banana from our nostrils (Alice would again like it noted that this can’t possibly be right as we don’t have any nostrils. I’m politely ignoring her. She would also like it noted that she’s still trying to get the banana stains out of her erm… skin? I would like it noted that I in fact have a tooth mark on my arm, so ner!).

I think all in all it was a successful adventure and we once again succeeded in being helpful friendly creatures.

Hope to see all soon

Ted

Posted by Nrgleeeeeeflump and WIGGGGNa (or Ted and Alice, as they prefer to be known).

We decided that it was a nice day to go exploring, so we trundled down to the edge of the jungle. I believe that the humans call it the “rock garden”. First of all, we had to scale a metre-high stone outcrop known as a “wall”. This was very hard work, especially for our little arms. Once at the top, we stopped to rest on some lovely soft knee-high moss. (Alice would just like to point out right now that it can not have possible have been knee-high as we don’t have any knees - I would like to point out that it is a figure of speech and that I don’t want to go exploring with her anymore - she says I’m being childish!)

ANYWAY, we rested on the nice soft moss and boy, were we exhausted! We got a passing human to take this photo of us as Alice had stupidly forgotten the camera (Alice says she would like me to note that I was the one supposed to be doing the packing and therefore any items left behind because she had to save the day by packing in five minutes are entirely my fault - I personally would like it noted that I think this is extremely unfair).

It was lovely and sunny and we thought we’d have a picnic before we moved on, which was nice. We had cheese sandwiches and raspberry cordial and some rather nice mint that we found growing around and about. That lot munched, we decided that it was too near to midday to go traipsing around a jungle and decided it would be better to have a little after-lunch snooze so that our food digested properly.

Of course Alice forgot to set the alarm clock (she says she would like it noted that she would never even pack the alarm clock because it’s about ten times bigger then we are and that would just be stupid - I think she takes far too much notice of physical laws personally). So by the time we awoke it was early evening and far too late to head off into the scary jungle. I mean there could be anything in there! Slugs, bees, cats or maybe even (and this is the scariest bit) a pheasant!

So we gathered up some more mint to give to the guys back home and clambered back down the rock face.

All in all I feel it was a successful, if slightly side tracked, adventure.

Hope to see you all again soon

Ted

This is a community blog for all the Wiggly Pets within this sector of the multiverse. Most of us are currently living in a small villiage in Gloucestershire in the British Isles but there are a few of us in places such as Poland, the USA and Alpha Centauri.

We are very helpful little creatures and have lots and lots of adventures. That is why we have set up this blog: so that we can share it all with you!

We hope you enjoy all our adventures.

Yours, the Chief Wiggly Nu

Waaaaagniffy - otherwise know as Bob