Feeding the Birds

Posted by Nrgleeeeeeflump and WIGGGGNa (or Ted and Alice, as they prefer to be known).

Feeding the Birds

Us Wiggly Pets, being naturally helpful and caring creatures, were horrified when we heard on the news that the poor birds of the UK are starving due to the bird flu epidemic. Apparently, all the humans that used to feed them crumbs and nuts and white stuff in coconut shells have stopped doing so in fear of contracting the illness. We felt very bad for all those little birds, especially with all their bird wiggly woos to feed. I believe the humans call bird wiggly woos, chicks, for some reason.

So me and Alice and some of the guys decided we should feed the birds. We knew that the humans around here have several bird feeding platforms and devices, so we thought we’d put the food out in case the humans hadn’t. Well, we checked what our humans had been feeding the birds and were quite aghast! All they were giving the poor things were seeds! Can you imaging that, just seeds and a few nuts? Well we decided we’d make the birds a proper lunch. No wonder the poor things are starving.

With much effort and teamwork (Alice wants to just point out that I was “giving” the orders and know nothing about effort, I personally think that is singularly harsh -leadership has many responsibilities), we managed to extract a piece of cheese from the humans (Alice would like you all to know that I in fact stole it from the humans’ wiggly woo which then cried lots, but I reckon it would have only accidentally flung it over the side of its highchair anyway – Alice says that’s not the point). We also managed to get a scone.

The team, bless their hearts, got the food onto the feeding platform – I believe the humans call it a “bird table”. Anyway, we waited with anticipation for the birds to come and chow down, but we think they were being a bit shy. So we waited and waited and then thought that perhaps they didn’t know the food was there, so we clambered onto the bird table and called to them saying, “Grub’s up!” and, “It’s vittles time!” But before any of them could arrive, one of the humans’ cats leapt at us from the open window we’d climbed through. It knocked us clean off the feeding platform!

Still, the next day the food looked a little bit nibbled and the humans only moaned a bit when they had to clean the furring mounds off the bird table three weeks later.

I think it can definitely be said that this was another successful adventure.

Hope to see you all again soon


The Daisy Trees

Posted by Nrgleeeeeeflump and WIGGGGNa (or Ted and Alice, as they prefer to be known).

Daisy Trees

Last week, me and Alice, being the exploring type of Wiggly Pets, decided to go for a walk on the Plain, which I believe the humans call the Lawn. Now the grass was getting quite long and in some places was as tall as, if not taller than us (Alice would like me to note that this isn’t really at all surprising as we are only a few centimetres tall). Now we had an aim in our wanderings, and that was to find the elusive Daisy Trees of the Cotswolds. We had heard that these were quite rare so were surprised to come across a little thicket almost straight away (Alice would like to point out that when I say thicket what I actually mean is two – yes two, daisy trees. Annoyingly she is also currently rolling her eyes at me. I’m not sure why).

Amazed, we sat in their shade (yes Alice I’m sure they can work out that by “shade” I am using artistic licence to enhance the verbal beauty of the post, now SHUT UP) and discussed those things which regularly plague the minds of Wiggly Pets, such as, “Where did I last leave the jar of spare irises?”, “Why is my earliest memory of the inside of an oven?” and, “What type of transient arc could I carve through ten dimensional space, eleven, if we add time?”

We consumed our lunch at this point and got a passing cat to take the photo. Lunch was nice; stuffed olive and cranberry jelly sandwiches and a flask of mint tea. Then to our joy we found some nice clover to make little picnic plates out of. We even rolled some of them up to make little cups out of so we could drink our tea in a civilised manner, but unfortunately the heat of the tea sort of cooked the clover and turned it mushy, resulting in poor Alice getting a bit singed (she would like to point out that she had to got to the hospital and have special dressings on and that is the last time she listens to any of my stupid ideas.)

Anyway obviously we had to call it a day at that point and go home (oh ok, go to the hospital) but I think in hindsight it was another great adventure!

Hope to see you all soon


Returning the Hat

Posted by Nrgleeeeeeflump and WIGGGGNa (or Ted and Alice, as they prefer to be known).

Wiggly Woo in Denim hat

On Tuesday, me and Alice were wondering around the great plain with its magnificent daisy trees – I believe the humans refer to it as a “lawn”? Anyway, the humans seemed to have misplaced their wiggly woo (I think I mentioned the wiggly woo in another post. The humans call wiggly woos babies – yes I know, stupid name isn’t it?) It was frolicking happily in the shade of a big green and white umbrella. What seemed to bring it most joy was the denim hat it wore.

Then the silly creature, being obviously of juvenile years, pulled its hat off and began to chew it! Me and Alice thought this was really funny (Alice would just like it noted that she thought it was cute rather than funny and that I had just missed how much she was scowling at me). Then the baby flung the hat. It obviously hadn’t meant to do this and it appeared to be due to poor motor control; we think it was just sort of trying to wave it about a bit. From our observations, human offspring of this age appear to like flappy things.

Lost Hat

Anyway, seeing as it looked quite upset with the fact the hat was out of its reach, and as it is not yet mobile, we decided to retrieve it. The hat was quite large. I wanted to take it off and make a tent out of it (or rather a marquee) but Alice wouldn’t let me. She started harping on about poor little things and taking candy from wiggly woos. Anyway, we dragged it (with much effort) back over to the baby.

Returning the hat

This was when we discovered that it had more mobility than we had expected and it dove upon us with little podgy fists. We don’t think it was an intentional attack – just that it wanted to play or something!

But it waved me around until I felt quite sick and it knocked poor Alice right off her feet (Alice would like it noted that this is not in fact correct and can never be so, as we do not have feet – I think that ONCE AGAIN she is being pedantic, she says she’d like it noted that its not technically pedantry… sorry I lost the thread of what she was saying). The baby then let go of me, sending me soaring through the air – which, though scary, was sort of fun as well. The non-fun part was landing, as that was actually quiet painful. Alice helped me up and we ran for it!


Still, once again we succeeded in being friendly and helpful and managed to have a great adventure – I mean, I even managed to fly!

Hope to see you all again soon


Banana for Baby

Posted by Nrgleeeeeeflump and WIGGGGNa (or Ted and Alice, as they prefer to be known).

On Thursday we were wandering around in the humans’ house – the one where most of us live, we have a little colony upstairs, you see – when we noticed the humans’ wiggly woo. Humans apparently call them babies, which is a singularly silly name if you ask me. Us wiggly pets do things far more sensibly.

Anyway, the humans had been teaching it (you can never tell the genders of humans; they all look so alike, I find) to ask for things with its hands, a sort of sign language. It was asking for a banana but there were no humans in sight so we decided (that is, me and Alice) that we were going to get one for it from the fruit bowl – Wiggly Pets being naturally helpful creatures.

This did cause us a bit of a problem, as the bananas are just a bit bigger than us. Still, me and Alice managed to scale the table using some wool and a paper clip and then made the trek across the table to the bowl. We heaved and heaved at the thing and poor Alice sort of got squashed when the banana flopped on top of her (Alice would just like it noted that this was because it was her doing all the work and I’d got distracted, and it really really hurt thank you very much!).

Alice traped by a bannana

Still, eventually we managed to break one off of the bunch and drag it to the baby human. This is where things got a bit interesting. We had to work out how to peel it, which was fun (Alice would again like it noted that she did all the engineering calculations whilst I stood there saying it can’t be done – I would like to point out that though this observation is accurate, it is unnecessary and cruel). Finally, we managed to peel it and we gave it to the baby, who then proceeded not to thank us, but seemed to mistake both me and Alice for some sort of variant on Banana.

SHUDDER Mistaken identity

It was actually quite scary. It has about three teeth and they hurt! Its mouth also smelt of banana and milk – not a pleasant combination when it is replacing air. And baby drool is just horrendous!

It was fortunate that one of the humans came to our rescue; otherwise I fear we may well have become one with the cosmos!

Still, the baby was happy with its banana and it only took us a week to lose the reek of milk and banana from our nostrils (Alice would again like it noted that this can’t possibly be right as we don’t have any nostrils. I’m politely ignoring her. She would also like it noted that she’s still trying to get the banana stains out of her erm… skin? I would like it noted that I in fact have a tooth mark on my arm, so ner!).

I think all in all it was a successful adventure and we once again succeeded in being helpful friendly creatures.

Hope to see all soon


A Jungle Adventure

Posted by Nrgleeeeeeflump and WIGGGGNa (or Ted and Alice, as they prefer to be known).


We decided that it was a nice day to go exploring, so we trundled down to the edge of the jungle. I believe that the humans call it the “rock garden”. First of all, we had to scale a metre-high stone outcrop known as a “wall”. This was very hard work, especially for our little arms. Once at the top, we stopped to rest on some lovely soft knee-high moss. (Alice would just like to point out right now that it can not have possible have been knee-high as we don’t have any knees – I would like to point out that it is a figure of speech and that I don’t want to go exploring with her anymore – she says I’m being childish!)

ANYWAY, we rested on the nice soft moss and boy, were we exhausted! We got a passing human to take this photo of us as Alice had stupidly forgotten the camera (Alice says she would like me to note that I was the one supposed to be doing the packing and therefore any items left behind because she had to save the day by packing in five minutes are entirely my fault – I personally would like it noted that I think this is extremely unfair).

It was lovely and sunny and we thought we’d have a picnic before we moved on, which was nice. We had cheese sandwiches and raspberry cordial and some rather nice mint that we found growing around and about. That lot munched, we decided that it was too near to midday to go traipsing around a jungle and decided it would be better to have a little after-lunch snooze so that our food digested properly.

Of course Alice forgot to set the alarm clock (she says she would like it noted that she would never even pack the alarm clock because it’s about ten times bigger then we are and that would just be stupid – I think she takes far too much notice of physical laws personally). So by the time we awoke it was early evening and far too late to head off into the scary jungle. I mean there could be anything in there! Slugs, bees, cats or maybe even (and this is the scariest bit) a pheasant!

So we gathered up some more mint to give to the guys back home and clambered back down the rock face.

All in all I feel it was a successful, if slightly side tracked, adventure.

Hope to see you all again soon


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